Some people can make managing look easy, at least to the surrounding onlookers. Every time they show up, they look polished. And let’s face it, they get things done. Nothing is visibly falling through the cracks. There are no external signs of impending overwhelm or extreme exhaustion, but underlying issues are brewing. There is an undercurrent of weariness flowing that is hidden from the public eye, but is real nonetheless. Women in leadership appear to experience this more often than their male counterparts.
Most women in leadership also have caretaker responsibilities, so their workday doesn’t end when it’s quitting time. They often take off one hat and replace it with another and another before falling into bed exhausted. Over time, even well-managed workloads can lead to exhaustion, disconnection, and subtle misalignment with what truly matters.
If you’ve been wondering why you feel tired, stretched thin, or lacking fulfillment despite managing well externally, here are five subtle signs you might be carrying more than you should:
Your calendar has little to no margin. Every hour is booked solid with meetings and appointments. While this may appear efficient, it leaves no breathing room to consider what you might want to be different. When every moment is booked solid, even by good and worthwhile commitments, there’s no margin for rest, reflection, or creativity. A full calendar isn’t necessarily a healthy calendar. It may mean you’re living and leading from a sense of urgency rather than from a rhythm of purpose. Leadership requires margin — dedicated space to breathe, think, reflect, and reconnect time and again to what truly matters.
Reflection question:
Where in your week do you have intentional space — and if there isn’t any, what would it take to create it?
You feel accomplished but not fulfilled. This is a common occurrence. According to the Gallup Strengths Assessment, individuals who have Achiever as a dominant strength enjoy being productive. This manifests itself in their ability to get things done. As one of my top strengths, I can attest that writing a to-do list and checking things off as complete feels rather gratifying. While completing a task or project may feel good in the moment, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will bring lasting fulfillment.
Tasks are checked off, meetings attended, deadlines met — but when you pause, there’s a nagging emptiness. The sense of accomplishment isn’t translating into a feeling of fulfillment. Fulfillment comes from alignment: when what you’re doing aligns with who you are and what you value most. It’s possible to feel successful and empty at the same time when we’re overextended and operating on autopilot.
Reflection question:
Are your accomplishments bringing you joy, peace, and satisfaction, or are they merely filling your time?
You’re reacting instead of responding. Wait. The email came in, grabbed your attention, and you fired one back. Did you react or respond? When did you pause to craft a meaningful reply that provided clarity, kept the ball moving forward, or encouraged the team? When we have no margin and are battling significant internal stressors, we start reacting without even realizing it.
Even when you’re keeping up, you may notice that your leadership feels reactive, constantly reacting to what’s urgent rather than tending to what’s important. You’re making decisions, answering emails, and attending meetings, but everything feels driven by external demands. Over time, this drains creativity, mission, and presence. Leadership at its best is responsive: thoughtful, intentional, and grounded. Therefore, it necessitates leaving space on your calendar to do this well.
Reflection question:
Am I leading and responding from a grounded place, or am I simply reacting to whatever shows up next due to external pressures?
Fatigue is creeping in and taking over. The body keeps receipts. Whether physical or emotional, fatigue will eventually catch up with us when we ignore the warning signs. Even if you’re “handling it,” subtle signs of fatigue may be surfacing: irritability, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, or a sense of heaviness that lingers throughout the day. These signals are easy to dismiss — after all, you’re managing. All the plates are still spinning in the air, and not one has hit the floor. Paying attention to our bodies is vital. It can be a generous invitation to pause, assess, and reroute before exhaustion becomes burnout.
Reflection question:
What is my body telling me about how I’m living and leading right now?
Delegation feels impossible or unsafe. When you are not willing to delegate anything, you may be heading for extreme trouble. No one can do it all, at least not for long. If you find yourself thinking, “I can do it faster and/or better,” it’s time to ask what may be going on and what the likely outcome will be. This can reflect a debilitating pattern: holding everything tightly, not because your team isn’t capable, but because you’re too controlling and have unrealistic expectations of managing it all perfectly. Over time, you will isolate support and erode your team’s trust.
Reflection question:
Where am I holding on too tightly, and what might open up if I trusted others with more?
When we pause long enough to notice the subtle signs that we’re heading for trouble, we create space for better alignment. While we all want to be productive, we mustn’t try to achieve it at the expense of our health (leadership health or physical health). Leading well doesn’t mean carrying everything alone or moving at an unsustainable rhythm. It means choosing to lead from a place of clarity and alignment, even when society and external pressures try to dictate otherwise.
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